When I got home I had a conversation with a close friend on the phone. She had gone through breast cancer several years before. She asked me if I had been afraid before going in to surgery. I hadn’t really thought about it until she asked. I was afraid when I was home wondering what was wrong with me, not knowing what was going to happen.
I remember several people (including my husband) telling me I should go to the hospital. I just felt very strongly I wasn’t supposed to go to the local hospital closest to our home. Not sure why, but it was a very definite and clear feeling and so I resisted. It certainly crossed my mind that this all may not end well. I definitely do not consider myself old and I know I still have much to do before my time here is over. I also want to be here to see all my children married and get to enjoy grandchildren with my husband. The thought that kept running through my mind and heart was – it will not end like this.
Once I was admitted to the hospital, I was so focused on taking the next step toward healing and resolution of this problem I honestly never remember feeling afraid at all. Once the surgeon explained why he and the other doctors felt this surgery was the safest way to go, I was in total acceptance and faith that God was leading and directing my steps. Sure I could’ve been upset and wondering why this had to happen to me and why I had to go through this – but honestly I wasn’t.
I felt He led me to this particular hospital (about which I had total peace), to these doctors and nurses and His timing was perfect. I also knew that if for some reason things didn’t go well, the worst case scenario was that I would be in the presence of Jesus. While I didn’t want to leave my family, that certainly wasn’t a horrible thought by any means.
Early on the morning of my surgery I asked the nurse what time it was scheduled for. She said 3:30 pm. Shortly after that she came in and said the surgeon was on the phone and wanted her to ask me a question. I said – ok, what is it.
She said he wants to know how you feel today. I said – tell him I am happy the surgery is scheduled for today but I wish it was earlier in the day. She relayed the message and within 15 minutes my surgery was rescheduled for 9 am.
I believe the doctor wanted to be sure of my mindset. He wanted to be sure I was really ready for this. I know that our beliefs, attitudes and feelings powerfully affect any physical outcome either positively or negatively. I was all in. Having faith in God and knowing He was with me every step of the way made all the difference for me.
How has your faith given you peace and made the difference in a difficult situation?
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